Why Comedians Love Republicans

Because they're an endless source of zany humor. Try these Republican quotations on for size:

1. Armed rebellion is a viable alternative to elections: ”Our nation was founded on violence. The option is on the table. I don’t think that we should ever remove anything from the table as it relates to our liberties and our freedoms.” —Tea Party-backed Texas GOP congressional candidate Stephen Broden, suggesting the violent overthrow of the U.S. government if Republicans don’t win at the ballot box, interview with Dallas’s WFAA-TV, Oct. 21, 2010
2. Banning abortions for high-risk pregnancies can be a positive experience for women: “I have been in the situation of counseling young girls… who have had very at risk, difficult pregnancies. And my counsel was to look for some alternatives, which they did. And they found that they had made WHAT WAS REALLY A LEMON SITUATION INTO LEMONADE.” — Sharron Angle on abortion
3. Bringing your gun to crowded public events is normal: “It’s not unusual in political rallies, it’s not unusual in parades, to see that type of thing.” — Joe Miller on guns at his rallies
4. Carbon Dioxide is safe: ”Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn’t even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.” —Rep. Michelle Bachmann
5. Climate change is a myth: “I absolutely do not believe in the science of man-caused climate change. It’s not proven by any stretch of the imagination…It’s far more likely that it’s just sunspot activity or just something in the geologic eons of time. Excess carbon dioxide in the atmosphere ‘gets sucked down by trees and helps the trees grow.”’ – Ron Johnson
6. Corporations are people: ”Corporations are people, my friend… of course they are. Everything corporations earn ultimately goes to the people. Where do you think it goes? Whose pockets? Whose pockets? People’s pockets. Human beings, my friend.” —GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney
7. Discrimination on the basis of race is desirable: “I don’t want to be associated with those people, but I also don’t want to limit their speech in any way in the sense that we tolerate boorish and uncivilized behavior because that’s one of the things freedom requires is that we allow people to be boorish and uncivilized, but that doesn’t mean we approve of it.” —Rand Paul, taking issue with the Civil Rights Act of 1964 while arguing that government should not prevent private businesses from discriminating on the basis of race
8. Evolution is a myth: “You know what, evolution is a myth….Why aren’t monkeys still evolving into humans?” —Christine O’Donnell
9. Geography is not important: ”I’m ready for the ‘gotcha’ questions and they’re already starting to come. And when they ask me who is the president of Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan I’m going to say, you know, I don’t know. Do you know?” —Republican presidential candidate Herman Cain
10. Government has no role in job creation: “People ask me, ‘What are you going to do to develop jobs in your state?’ Well, that’s not my job as a U.S. senator.”—Sharron Angle
11. Higher education is elitist: “President Obama wants everybody in America to go to college. What a snob … Oh, I understand why he wants you to go to college. He wants to remake you in his image.” –Rick Santorum
12. Hitler coined the phrase “separation of church and state”: “The exact phrase ‘separation of Church and State’ came out of Adolph HItler’s mouth, that’s where it comes from. So the next time your liberal friends talk about the separation of Church and State, ASK THEM WHY THEY’RE NAZIS.” — Glen Urquhart
13. Inciting violence is acceptable: “I hope that’s not where we’re going, but you know if this Congress keeps going the way it is, people are really looking toward those Second Amendment remedies and saying my goodness what can we do to turn this country around? I’ll tell you the first thing we need to do is take Harry Reid out.” —Nevada GOP Senate candidate Sharron Angle, floating the possibility of armed insurrection in a radio interview
14. Intelligent Design is a viable scientific theory: “There are hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel Prizes, who believe in intelligent design.” – Michele Bachmann
15. Lawyers are Un-American: “the ABA is about as far left as the Communist Party, so those who usually get those awards are lawyers committed to socialism, not freedom.” – Tea Party Nation Founder Judson Phillips
16. Marriage is related to national security: ”Isn’t that the ultimate homeland security, standing up and defending marriage?” —Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA), on congressional efforts to pass a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage (July 2004)
17. The media is a threat to national security: “The greatest threat to America is not necessarily a recession or even another terrorist attack. The greatest threat to America is a LIBERAL MEDIA BIAS.” — Lamar Smith
18. Minimum Wage created unemployment: “If we took away the minimum wage-if conceivably it was gone-we could potentially virtually wipe out unemployment completely because we would be able to offer jobs at whatever level.” —Michele Bachmann
19. Most Americans cannot accept gay marriage: “Gay marriage is probably the biggest issue that will impact our state and our nation in the next, at least, thirty years. I AM NOT UNDERSTATING THAT.” — Michelle Bachmann
20. Obama is the enemy: “He has no place in any station of government and we need to realize that he is an ENEMY OF HUMANITY.” — Trent Franks on Obama
21. The rise of the Soviet Union is cause for concern among Americans:”What people recognize is that there’s a fear that the United States is in an unstoppable decline. They see the rise of China, the rise of India, the rise of the Soviet Union and our loss militarily going forward.” —Michele Bachmann (R-MN), unaware that the Soviet Union collapsed more than two decades ago (August 2011)
22. Sexual Revolution created AIDS: “We had the 60s sexual revolution, and now people are dying of AIDS.” —Christine O’Donnell, Politically Incorrect. August 1998
23. Trees have a proper height: ”I love this state. The trees are the right height.” —Mitt Romney, campaigning in Michigan (February 2012)
24. We should use prisons for low-income housing: “THESE ARE BEAUTIFUL PROPERTIES with basketball courts, bathroom facilities, toilet facilities. Many young people would love to get the hell out of cities” — Carl Paladino on housing poor people in prisons
25. Women are disposable: ”She’s not young enough or pretty enough to be the wife of a President. And besides, she has cancer.”’ —future House Speaker Newt Gingrich (R-GA), reportedly speaking to a friend in 1980 about why he was divorcing his first wife.

OK, so... question: How can such ignorant people have acquired so much money and public space?

Ans: Because W made ignorance a badge of honor.

Smart Guy Digs Plants

If everyone thought this sensibly, what a world we'd have!! The obvious (to some of us) answer to urban "blight".

Summer Things/ New Moon

field of buttercups near Lincolnville

Well, First of all, let's hear it for the Egyptians! Cheers, Ya'll!  It sort of makes sense that one of the most ancient of civilizations might get the whole democracy thing right before anyone else on the planet does. You know, of the people, by the people, FOR the people, etc. Thirty MILLION people in the street with the collective thought that the group of hooyahs attempting to govern them are, well, hooyahs, and they want them GONE. BTW, the largest gathering of human beings in history, I'm told. And I hope they hang on to El Baradei, cause he was one of the few brave enough to publicly, and, admirably, in a very gentlemanly manner, buck Bush's lies and state emphatically there were NO weapons of mass discussion in Iraq WAY before we went in there and hammered them for no sane reason on earth.

miles of buttercups

So, GOOD for the Ballsy Egyptians. (Unlike, as many posts on the news sites have noted, the lazy Americans, who "tweet their complaints and then go back to me-me-meing." Begging the question: when are Americans gonna grow a pair and stop complaining about Congress and take to the streets with fekkin pitchforks?
Answer: As long as the cable's still working, not anytime soon.

SO! a BIG HOO- RAY! for that Texas Dynamo, that intrepid Wendy Davis, for standing up to the hideous Texas tyrants in that legislature who insist they have a right to tell us gals what we can and cannot do with our own uteri. (You like that little Latin thing there? Plural and all? Oh never mind.) I needed a new pair of sneaks and went onto Zappos.com and PROMPTLY ordered a pair of those very same sneaks (Mizuno Wave Rider 16) she stood up in to filibuster those assholes for, what? HOURS ON END! .....
Wendy for President.

Ju-ly. Stretch that word out when you say it, accent on the first syllable. Mid-summer and hot as Hades pretty much everywhere on the East Coast. Even the place we here in the midcoast fondly refer to as "the island" is too hot to bear without a fan blowing on you as you try to sleep through GLOBAL WARMING.

Whatever. It's here and it's queer.

We've made it through Wimbledon. US Open can't come soon enough. It was interesting without Serena and Rafa, got to see more of the field stepping up. Sorry to see Joko lose it in the final, tho I'm a Federer fan, but maybe now the Brits will have their Champion and get over it. (No offense to darling Brit pals.) Admittedly, Murray worked hard and earned it. I was hoping for Del Potro in the final, (something about his Eeyoresque, hangdog demeanor I just luv) but you can't always get what you want, as the Stones (Ron Wood among them, watching the final and looking rather ghostly in his, I presume, died black hair and zombiesque pallor) are wont to remind us.

I celebrate without you (:(... not really. tee

Speaking of not always getting what you want: I wish I could be in Carolina this week to celebrate the birthday of my AWESOMELY FABULOUS SISTER,  who is, perhaps, the most gorgeous gal on earth, with a dynamite sense of humor, lilting voice, and delightful personality to match. (Yes, nothing like me, I admit.) HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TEE, AND MANY HAPPY RERUNS!!! May your troubles be small this year and your joys boundless. muah! muah! muah! *Something arriving in the MAIL so keep an eye out. *

barnes exterior, very asian and cool. (My daughter tells me i'm not allowed to say "oriental" anymore. hmph.

June was The Month of The Amazing Buttercup Proliferation here in Maine. Just vast fields of the things, waving in the breeze and defiantly refusing to succumb to the world's onslaught of bad news. Some hope there in Egypt tho, AND Turkey, and I do like Christine LaGarde's chastising the US for its austerity measures. She may turn out to be an asset for the have-nots in the long run. Who knew? She's always so tan and doesn't die her gorgeous white hair. sigh.

I headed south in mid-June to Philly, a visit to the Barnes Museum collection (I wept confronted with Matisse at such close range and in such VOLUME) and my awesome son of musical giftedness. My heart sighs with missing him. Reading Terminal Market was soooo Jersey/Philly, felt like home, and Chinatown provided me with the best straw hat I've found in a few years and a teeny, weeny painted paper umbrella for a friend's female and soon-to-arrive bun-in-oven.  A copy of Eloise must accompany such a gift, don't you think? Then on to a wedding in North Jersey, a cousin I love, and seeing cousins I miss and adore. You walk into a room and past and present collide as you see your own face in nearly everyone there. And plenty of Humor and wit from fellow descendants of the British Isles and Ireland. (Those stuffy Scottish Presbyterians came from the other side of the family, but that didn't seem to stop them from causing a lot of embarrassing trouble. Which they like to deny.) Heart cockles warmed indeed.

entrance to Chinatown

barnes entrance, note tranquil pools of h20.

I have a summer gig "Driving Miss Daisy", une femme charmante, providing thoughtful grist for the writer's mill and delightful hours spent with a lovely individual. Chez moi, I've made what barely passes for a petit jardin, mostly in pots and boxes; it's....well,  enough. .. I guess.. Evenings are taken up, lazily, with a couple episodes of MI-5, going through the whole series on Netflix. It never gets old, and is smart and fun watching if you haven't seen it in a few years.

if it quacks like a duck?

Books: I'm reading like someone on death row in a reading contest with a pardon the prize, seeking kindred spirits on the page, exemplars of inspired writing. So far: (as I can recall) I've plowed through

Clay by Melissa Harrison unbelievably amazing writing by a seriously gifted British gal, a story that will stay with you. DO treat yourself to this one. (She has a garden blog (click here) as well, but don't let that fool you. She's serious business.

Lit: the third in a trilogy of memoirs by Mary Karr, writer of The Liars Club, a wonderful poet and writer. (This is turning out to be Memoir Summer for me, reading-wise.) Thanks to Sukeee for putting me onto her.

Must recommend THE FUNNIEST BOOK in the WORLD! Oh PLEASE read this if you can get your hands on it. Jenny Lawson's Let's Pretend This Never Happened. OMG, tears running down my face. Reading this in public places VERY disturbing as everyone stops to ask what I'm reading after pausing to regard me skeptically first (thinking: is it safe to talk to this nutcase?)  I am talking Riotously funny book by the woman known online as The Bloggess. I owe my librarian a drink for that one. Maybe two.

Do NOT bother reading the memoir "A Girl's Guide to Homelessness." I think it's actually Young Adult fiction I picked up by mistake. A case of serious misfiling at the library. Was looking forward to homeless peoples' stories. NOT. Just a long drawn out lesson in how not to pick the right guy. Seriously? I think that's a story we ALL could write on quaaludes in a hot tub without much effort.

And The Glass Castle by, um... oh  i forget. A really wonderful memoir of a truly bizarre childhood. Talk about making lemons out of lemonade. As crazy and nearly abusive as her household is you somehow manage to end up envying her.. and counting your blessings. I'm now reading another of hers, something about Horses in the title.

Am considering reading George Orwell's new one. well I KNOW he's dead, but they just published, i forget, either his autobiography or his letters. Either way, 'sposed to be good, so that's on my list.

Reading in the sultry heat, a fan, and a cool drink. Precious off-duty languor. Nothing better, is there?

So HAPPY, HAPPY, TEE!!

and lots of love love love love love out there to anyone who's bothered to stop by here.

Stay cool.

PS --- and the next person who addresses me as "you guys" is getting slammed with a pair of tits.

my fave camden garden, it's a total mess!

moss roof!

long view with buttercups

Feeling Depressed?

This gal, Laurie Penny, reputed to be one of the most important people in the UK, is here to tell you why your get up and go has got up and went, your outlook lacks that certain joie! you just don't feel like doing... whatever.   Be patient with this video, she has some refreshingly insightful things to say once she really gets going. More bio info on Laurie below. Cheers.

The Daily Telegraph ranked Penny as the 55th most influential left winger in Britain, reporting that she is “without doubt the loudest and most controversial female voice on the radical left.”

Penny’s blog, “Penny Red”, was launched in 2007[9] and was shortlisted for the Orwell Prize in 2010.[10] (The name Penny Red refers to a Victorian stamp.) She began her career as a staff writer at One in Four magazine and then worked as a reporter and sub-editor for the socialist newspaper Morning Star. She has written columns and features for several publications,[11] and is a columnist for the New Statesman[12] and regular contributor to The Guardian.[13] Penny is the author of Meat Market: Female Flesh Under Capitalism (Zero Books, 2011).[3] In it she mounts an attack on liberal feminism, which she characterises as embracing the consumer choice offered by capitalism as the path to female emancipation.[14]

In April 2011, Penny presented the Channel 4 Dispatches programme “Cashing In on Degrees”, and appeared on the same channel’s satirical current affairs programme 10 O’Clock Live.[15] and BBC Two’s Newsnight.

Read more at http://www.maxkeiser.com/#tJA5Js91EOwyTO5V.99 

Guide to Life for Graduates and Others

This may be my last blog at this location. If I start another one, I'll post a link, but I feel a break from this is in order just now. Other fish to fry, etc. The recent paucity of posts a clear sign of lack of oomph for the task.

I thought it appropriate to post a wonderful piece written by someone else, one often incorrectly attributed to Kurt Vonnegut, composed by a then unknown columnist at the Tribune in 1997. Her words of advice, if adhered to by us all, would make for a happier planet. So here they are:

Mary Schmich

June 1, 1997

Inside every adult lurks a graduation speaker dying to get out, some world-weary pundit eager to pontificate on life to young people who'd rather be Rollerblading. Most of us, alas, will never be invited to sow our words of wisdom among an audience of caps and gowns, but there's no reason we can't entertain ourselves by composing a Guide to Life for Graduates.

I encourage anyone over 26 to try this and thank you for indulging my attempt. 

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97:

• MARY SCHMICH
• 

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

Copyright © 2013 Chicago Tribune Company, LLC

And that's all she wrote!

via con dios

After a solid week of nonstop rain I finally found something to cheer me up. It's Cynthia Scott's 1984 oscar award-winning short film, Flamenco at 5:15. Memories of Sevilla and wonderful friends there who took me to see the famous flamenco dancer in a standing room only bar in the old district, 1 a.m. An experience I will never forget...

Why I adore Spain? Flamenco! The sheer vivacity of it, life affirming and intense.

Flamenco at 5:15 by Cynthia Scott, National Film Board of Canada

  Having my own little dance party, right here at home. Screw the rain.

And if you get a chance to watch Scott's  Strangers in Good Company (1990), (I saw it on netflix) check it out. She's bril. Just bril..  GREAT film. Done with almost no script and no professional actresses. The ultimate over 50 chick flick.

Have You Seen This?

Just Say No! South America's answer  to corporate hegemony. Here's to Oliver Stone for taking the time to find out what's really going on down there and who's running the show so we can actually know. This is a must watch for anyone interested in what's really happening in South America and why it matters to us and the future of democracy, that much misused word here in the states. One can only hope theirs is a model for the planet's future, a nice thought when you feel like "they", the banksters and corporate governors, are just too powerful to bring to heel. (And, oh, do enjoy Fox's dumb blonde's unbelievable ignorance. I mean, really, it's just embarrassing.)

This is really worth watching. It's enough to make you wanna pack it in and move south, waaay south.