Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Active Oil Platforms in the Gulf of Mexico ......

Alright my darlings...

In the wake of a series of rather seismic personal upsets (please don't ask) coupled with an agent deadline, and in lieu of my usual tirade, I give you this week's Harper's Weekly, for which I have not ask their permission but do not anticipate making one dime from, and which is more than enough to keep you entertained and laughing in your beer until I can recoup and get back to you... Mama always insisted one carry on, and so did Dad, and so we shall. Lots of love to anyone who cares enough to tune in, Cat.

Weekly Review

President Barack Obama premiered a new political narrative
of the BP oil spill during a nationally televised
address. Instead of portraying government efforts as a
cleanup, Obama described a "battle plan": the oil flowing
from the destroyed BP wellhead was not an industrial
accident but a "siege" and an "assault [on] our shores."
BP announced that it would cease paying dividends to
shareholders and instead hoard money for use in future
lawsuits. CEO Tony Hayward said that he cared about the
"small people," then went sailing. Americans remained in
favor of offshore drilling, members of Congress sold their
shares in oil and gas companies as quickly as they could,
and Vice President Joe Biden confirmed that he was a
politician and proud of it. Africans were accused of
wasting "obscene" amounts of food, and a "cooker
malfunction" in a Campbell's Soup factory in Paris, Texas,
forced the recall of 15 million pounds of SpaghettiOs with
meatballs. An American man arrested in Pakistan in
possession of a pistol, a sword, night-vision equipment,
and Christian religious books, who was believed to be
trying to find and kill or convert Osama bin Laden, was
found to have a history of mental problems. Ali Larijani,
speaker of the Iranian Parliament, warned "certain
adventurous countries" not to inspect his country's cargo
ships at sea.

The Supreme Court of California heard arguments as to
whether only people capable of procreating should be
allowed to marry, and Catholics in New York State came out
against legislation that would abolish fault-only
divorce. "New York State has one of the lowest divorce
rates in the country," said Richard E. Barnes, executive
director of the New York State Catholic Conference. "While
we see that as a cause for state pride, sadly some may see
it as a problem to be corrected." The U.S. Food and Drug
Administration reported that "female Viagra" makes women
depressed, dizzy, and lightheaded but does not increase
their sexual satisfaction, and Harvard scientists
determined that American doctors will work harder if they
are paid less. A study commissioned by Mayor Michael
Bloomberg revealed that New York City's administrators
know far less about rats than previously assumed, and
Andrew Cuomo, a gubernatorial candidate in the state,
clarified his stance on pasta cookery. "As an independent
Democrat," he said, "I eat everybody's lasagna. I eat
conservatives' lasagna. I eat liberal lasagna." Research
showed that fat women have a much harder time finding
sexual partners than do fat men, and childhood educators
dismissed the importance of best friends. "Parents
sometimes say Johnny needs that one special friend," said
Christine Laycob, director of counseling at Mary Institute
and St. Louis Country Day School in St. Louis. "We say he
doesn't need a best friend." In Munich, a young man
dressed only in his underwear mooned a group of Hells
Angels, threw a puppy at them, and then fled on a stolen

Incidences of suspected fraud by American soldiers,
mercenaries, and contractors in Iraq and Afghanistan were
up 18 percent over last year, and a funeral-home director
in Findlay, Ohio, was arrested for failing to wear clothes
in the presence of a corpse. The U.S. Department of
Transportation debated the legality of serving peanuts on
commercial airliners, and food scientists at Penn State
University found that "supertasters" who "live in a neon
taste world" experience salty and bitter flavors more
intensely than their "pastel" non-supertaster
counterparts. In Chicago, the Honorable Richard M. Daley
told local reporters that they hate Walmart because they
live in the suburbs. A growing "epidemic" of Web
pornography prompted the decency group Enough is Enough to
lobby Congress in favor of censoring the Internet; as many
as 60 severed human heads were discovered on a Southwest
Airlines flight to Fort Worth, Texas; and Warren Buffett
and Bill Gates established a foundation whose purpose is
to shame rich people. Incarcerated men were spending more
time with their children. In Botswana, England's Prince
William agreed to blow a young boy's vuvuzela. "There you
go," the prince said after playing the three-foot
trumpet. "I've embarrassed myself again."

And here are a few more little items:

Harry Potter incarnates a la Disney. Yet more moola for Ms. Rowling. What does she do with her zillions, I'd like to know? Anything good?

And in case the Gulf mess isn't enough surreal fantasy for you, check out this shameful display of wealth and total lirrelevence (royalty? In this day and age? come ON) from Sweden. Oh and do watch the videos associated with this link. Priceless. That girl is dumber than mold! To quote Mr. Izzard (my favorite quotable personage), "and that's what happens when cousins marry!"

And if you think you know what you don't know, think again and read this. It's truly interesting and wonderful to think someone is thinking as hard as these guys. Why aren't they running DC? Whoever thought Don Rumsfeld would say something so seemingly unintelligibly intelligent? You have to love a word like anosognosic.

Finally, do you know anyone who is loaded with debt and going under financially? Be sure and send them this. You'd think all those mortgage brokers who weasled people into subprime mortgages or gave them too much asset value on their homes so the people would borrow against them would all be in jail now, right?

NOT. They've got together -- yes they have conventions now to plan their rackets more efficiently! - and created a whole new "market" -- "helping" folks get out of debt by helping them rack up MORE debt? (I have to say this is the single most shameful thing I've read about next to the BP mess all year.)

As soon as I get over this last trauma, I am getting my shoe out for real.

We're not in Kansas anymore, Toto..

On the up side? Wimbledon's on.. alas I have no TV at present. Next year... No ... really!

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